do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
