My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
