I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
