There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
