we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
