who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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