don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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