I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
