Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
