You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
they're like a gay fantastic four
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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