A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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