i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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