whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The uberlube is also flammable
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
