i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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