At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
