Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
