I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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