I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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