Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
