I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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