The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
