Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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