so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She bit a glass in half.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
