You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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