dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
