Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
