So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
