I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
