My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
