Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
