Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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