we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
