she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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