At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
