You really coming over, don't trick.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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