your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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