Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
