When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
