well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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