cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
