I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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