Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
