And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
