I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
