someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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