It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
