I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
