We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
