Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
