Who wears a wallet chain?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
