I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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