once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
