cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
