My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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