Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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