I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
