At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
