Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
