Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
