You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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