i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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