he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You ruined the universe
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
