Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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