I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
