Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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