I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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