I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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