Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize