He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
PANTIES FOUND
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