So drunk its hurt
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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