...so i touched it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
