I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
