hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
