Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
